When Christmas becomes Hanukkah!


Christmas came early this year in the form of Hanukkah. It was my first time celebrating Hanukkah and Thanksgivukkah (a once in a lifetime crossover) and I enjoyed it with the simplicity in the lighting of the candles and dreidel and all.




There was no Christmas tree set up or pressure to buy “Christmas” presents. That said, Hanukkah means presents 8 nights in a row and granted I only had one significant Jewish other to buy for, I’m by no means rich, so towards the end I had to get a little creative. I guess this is how great ideas are born cause I devised the greatest gift for men EVER, get THIS — burger and a blow job. I intended it as, “eat your burger, BJ follows.” But my other half misinterpreted it as a simultaneous act, so I was like, “Sure. Why not?” He claims it was the best sexual experience he’s ever had. So there you go babe, “Happy Hanukkah.”

Now that I no longer acknowledge Christmas, people have been asking me lately, “How can you not celebrate it? Do you miss it?”

No. I hate Santa Claus…and he clearly hates me back. Bad things have always happened to me around Christmas, for example, last year my ex-boyfriend left me to go snowboarding in Colorado and then he cheated on me two days before Christmas, so I spent Christmas day getting drunk and wishing I was dead. This year, I got a cold. So did my BF. What is this? Some kind of Christ-mess curse? Screw you Santa and farewell Christ-mess. You mean NOTHING to me, so stop trying to ruin my life. It won’t work.

That said, it’s not like Jews don’t observe Christmas because aren’t you kind of acknowledging something when you firmly affirm that you don’t celebrate it, so via this ritual of eating Chinese and watching “Fiddler on the Roof” on Christmas Eve is that not itself a tradition, an anti-Christmas tradition perhaps?

Regardless, I prefer Hanukkah and I can’t believe I’ve never seen “Fiddler on the Roof” till this year. One of the best movies EVER! I’m so ashamed I’ve never watched it before…and I call myself artsy. Pfff.

EPILOGUE: I felt the need to add to this — I just wanted to end by saying, overall I found Hanukkah to be much more spiritual than Christmas, not to mention there was ¬†much less lying involved. Like no fictional stories about a fat man in a red suit climbing down a chimney to deliver my i-Phone gift. Anyway…

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