Schlemiel, Schlep or Schlemazl?

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A Plea to God. Let’s see if this praying thing works.

Dear Eloheinu, Adonai, Elohim (or whatever name you prefer to go by),

Help! I can’t continue walking dogs for $12.50. I need a real job or a better alternative to pay my phone bill. I appreciate that my Jewish boyfriend pays the rent and feeds me, but I can’t continue wearing the same ripped jeans and purple shirt day after day. I had a job…as a copywriter. I hated it. But I went to work every day like a good little Egyptian slave  and even though equal opportunity ruined my life by forcing me to stare at computer screens and excel spreadsheets, I’ve always tried to be diligent. But then that company was acquired by a NY company and everyone was let go. Then the gov helped me for awhile, and now after countless hours, months, now a year of job searching I haven’t had any luck…other than this dog thing. And if dog walking is my destiny, then why does it make me cry….EVERY. DAY.

I’ve tried the screenwriting thing the whole way through, but turns out unless I’m the original creator of Batman, Spiderman or the Bond series, my original work is meaningless in this town. Or maybe I’m just a bad writer, which is fine. Can we just please locate what I’m good at and how I can apply it to make an income.

So please help me God! I need an answer to my life. I’m turning 34 in a few weeks and I can’t go on this way.

Thanks. Lots of love! ME!

Here’s me today…after reaching the end of the rope again (I’m obviously pretty good at holding onto the rope cause I’ve been dangling there for awhile).

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And here’s me trying hard to put on a brave and happy face for the world:

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And I know my problems are petty compared to the Malaysia Airlines jet that was shot down over Ukraine today or the 200 civilians who were killed in Palestine recently. So I suppose, I’d like to say a prayer for those victims too.

Okay, Amen. Done.

Great! Now my mother just called warning me about the coming of World War 3. Seriously? Please, no. I am so not in the mood for that — Can’t we just play nice in this world? 

YIDDISH DICTIONARY:

Schlemazl: Someone with chronic bad luck (I think I fall into this category)

Schlemiel: Maladjusted fool who constantly makes mistakes (I sometimes fall into this category)

Schlep: Inefficient, lazy, drags their feet (my dad is in this category. I hope I’m not following in his footsteps)

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